It’s Monday.  I would think that Mondays in the summer when you are a stay-at-home mom wouldn’t feel so Mondayish, but it does. We got a late start, which created a ripple effect on the whole day. It was a good day tho. The kids when fishing with mom and dad while I got to have lunch with a dear friend. Add in a run to the bank and a not-so-quick stop at TCHS, it was a full St.Cloud day. Glad to do it with only the little one in tow…

So this parenting-wife-ministry gig is certainly not for the faint of heart. In so many ways, I feel like I am failing. How on earth does anyone get anything done?!? I mean I read these sweet, nostalgic blogs about “Living in the moment” and playing with the children while the dishes wait and the floor is unswept because these little people “are only little once.” I get that (or at least I think I do…) but I can only ignore so many things. Sometimes stuff has to get done, things need to be washed, put away, cleaned, mowed, picked up, swept… It’s just part of life? Where is that balance? Between them time, me time, God time, husband time, house time? I just don’t feel like I know how to do this very well… And I want to get it right, because I know the stakes are high. The kids really are only little once. I look at my 2 (almost 3) month old, wondering how she could be that old already, and knowing that I will never have that time back with the other two. But if I ignore my responsibilities? What does that teach them? And yet I don’t want to miss this.

Then add in the church part. Ministry is so complicated on so many levels. Right now, I am thankful that the church only supplies 1/3 of our income and not more. As much as I want him to be able to quit Coborn’s, the day he does is the day I feel like ever penny we spend will be questioned. Vacations. Phones. Cars. Computers. Pets. Clothes. Toys. Food. Coffee. The day the church supports us 100% will be the day I will wonder what people think of every choice I make. If I am being responsible with “their” money. I show up at church with a new iPhone- will they know I saved for months to buy it?  If we go to Mexico in a few years when I can finally leave the baby, will they know we used credit card points (from our one card that we pay off every month)? And that is just one aspect of church stuff. Just one. I’d write more about the others, but it kinda gives me a headache right now…

And last but certainly not least is the marriage part… Part of it is my problem. I’m a slacker by nature. Always have been. Probably will always be working on that part. He is everything but a slacker. Like not even kind of. So I feel like sometimes my just existence is irritating. And yet there are times where I feel like maybe I contribute more than I think. He earns the money (well most of it anyway) but I manage it. Every penny. That has to count for something. I keep the children clothed and fed. And I organize those clothes and cook that food. I mow the yard. Apparently I don’t do it right, and our yard certainly doesn’t look like Mr. Retired-and-has-nothing-better-to-do’s green carpet on the there side of the fence, but it’s at least it’s mowed…

Anywho, that is probably enough griping and complaining. Oh well. Like I said, it’s a Monday…

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So I am starting a blog. Never say never. I never wanted to do a blog. I’ve always felt in this information saturated culture we have more than enough voices vying for space. Why should I add to it? Facebook makes me narcissistic enough, why on earth do I need a blog? Is what I have to say so important? So why am I doing this? 

In high school, I journaled. Religiously. I have like 20 some odd notebooks documenting most of my junior high and high school experience. But for some reason, I quit. Marriage. Babies. Life. It got in the way and I stopped.

Hopefully, this blog can be an outlet to start journaling again. Because even if it doesn’t matter and no one is listening, I still have something to say. Hopefully it is at the very least better than silence.